The Mets truly do hate Johan Santana

But hey, I’ll take it. In two of the $126-million dollar man’s starts this year, he’s given up no earned runs. And in his seven starts (while he was in the game), the Mets have scored a grand total of…get this…and no, this isn’t a typo…12 runs. 12 runs in 7 games? Are you joking? With a lineup of Jose Reyes, David Wright, Carlos Beltran, and the injured Carlos Delgado?

I guess I can’t say I’m all that surprised, though, because it’s the Mets, and Atlanta owns them. Hell, Chipper Jones even named his son after Shea Stadium, probably to get back at all the bitter New Yorkers chanting “LARRY!” at Shea over the years. It’s too much fun.

Case-in-point: last night’s nationally televised contest, which featured ace-vs-ace in Derek Lowe and Santana. It was the Braves’ first game at the new Citi Field, and 40,000+ turned out to see it. Yet, la-de-frickin-da, there were the Mets again, screwing over perhaps the most talented pitcher in baseball. The ESPN announcers said repeatedly that there were at least 5 defensive plays that the Metropolitans could’ve done better.

Retard of the day.

On a side note, the ESPN announcing crew is just horrendous. No wonder the guys over at FireJoeMorgan had so much pent-up anger. I had to mute my TV just to keep myself from kicking a small child. Steve Phillips and Orel Hershiser combined must’ve spent 15-20 minutes at one point last night talking about “smart baseball” and how “if you make mistakes, you’ll lose ballgames, and my favorite – how “smart baseball players are good baseball players.” Well no shit, you “experts”! Screwing up and making errors typically does lose you ballgames! How much are they paying these guys?

Anyhow, last night’s ballgame was full of questionable decisions and plays by the Mets. Obviously, the aforementioned defensive lapses were killer. I also didn’t understand Charlie Manuel’s decision to leave lefty Pedro Feliciano in the game to face lefty killer Matt Diaz. What did Diaz do? Hit a 2-run single to left that pushed Atlanta to a 3-1 lead. Casey Kotchman followed that up with a 2-run single of his own, giving the Braves the cushion they would need.

But hey, if the Mets want to continue to shoot themselves in the face, so be it. As long as they do it against the Braves.

Braves vs. Astros – 1:05 pm

Why is it that long rain delays seem to occur when the Braves’ best pitchers are on the mound? Derek Lowe has gotten screwed over several times by rain delays, and Jair Jurrjens was the latest victim yesterday. It probably didn’t matter, anyway, as the inconsistent Braves offense only managed one run on several different Houston relievers.

Today should be another tough test for the Braves. The ‘Stros Wandy Rodriguez, 2-2 on the year but boasting a 1.69 ERA, takes the mound against the 0-2 Jo-Jo Reyes. Reyes was solid in his last start, but overall…he’s still Jo-Jo Reyes. I still haven’t seen enough out of Rodriguez to not believe this isn’t some fluke start to the season, though.

Anyhow, let’s hope more rain holds off today down at Turner Field. Should be an interesting matchup between two crafty lefties and a Houston offense that features Lance Berkman and Carlos Lee. Another player to watch, in my eyes, is Astros rightfielder Hunter Pence. He runs like a retard but he gets the job done.

Is it me, or is Javy Vazquez’s stuff much better than his career stats suggest?

Just wanted to point this out before I get back to watching the game.

Javier Vazquez: The Great Mystery Pitcher

Javier Vazquez has some very, very nasty stuff, even at 30+ years of age…and this is what confuses me so much about him. Ozzie Guillen hated him on the South Side of the Chi because Javy “wasn’t a big game pitcher” or something along those lines.  That got me to thinking: is Javier Vazquez a head case, or what? Is there an explanation?

His career K/9 is 14th overall among active pitchers (8.0 K/9), so it’s obvious he has the stuff to get guys out. Is it because he walks alot of guys? Nope, only 2.4 BB per 9. He gives up a decent amount of home runs, but that doesn’t jump out at you either.

I really do have no explanation for his 129-130 career record and 4.30 career ERA.  He’s just an anomaly, apparently.

Will the Braves ever score runs on anything other than walks?

It seems like every run the Braves have scored over the past two weeks has resulted in some form or another from a walk (or five). In Washington, Atlanta pushed across the game-winning run in a 1-0 victory on a bases-loaded walk in the 8th Inning. In Pittsburgh, it was more of the same.  Tonight against St. Louis….whaddya know? More free runs for the Braves!

In the 8th Inning, Cardinals reliever Kyle McClellan entered the game to relieve Jason Motte, who had pitched a scoreless 7th after taking over for the stellar Kyle Lohse.  That’s where the trouble began for St. Louis. McClellan (1-1) walked Omar Infante, Chipper Jones, and Jeff Francouer (since when?) to load the bases before Matt Diaz’s game-winning, two out single up the middle. Honestly, I have no idea how that ball snuck up the middle, but I’ll take it.

Several other notes: for one, the Braves have done a great job of containing Albert Pujols in this series. “El Hombre” is 1-8 in the series with 3 strikeouts after having struck out only 4 times over the opening three weeks of the season.  Mike Gonzalez looks like he’s finally back from elbow surgery, as well.  Yes, he struck out the side, which was wonderful (considering two of those K’s came against Pujols and Ryan Ludwick), but the more encouraging sign was his velocity and improved control.  The quirky left was consistently hitting 94-95 on the radar gun and was hitting his spots incredibly well with his slider. Pujols and Ludwick looked absolutely baffled by that pitch.

Braves and Cards on ESPN tonight, 7 pm

The Atlanta Braves return home to face the NL Central-leading St. Louis Cardinals tonight from Turner Field at 7 pm. The game will be televised on ESPN, Atlanta’s 2nd (I believe) national TV game of the year.

Jair Jurrjens will take the hill for the Bravos. The “Curacao Kid” is 2-1 on the year with an impressive 1.42 ERA in 25.1 IP. In his last outing at Washington, Jurrjens got stuck with a no decision in the Braves 1-0 victory despite pitching 7 2/3 innings of shutout ball. His only loss on the season came at Pittsburgh on April 17th.

For the Cards, the undefeated (3-0) Joel Piñeiro will take the mound. Don’t let the record fool you, though, as his ERA is a mediocre 4.12.

If Jair Jurrjens’ recent outings are any suggestion, tonight should be a win for the Braves, but the Cardinals are hot.

One more completely irrelevant, non-Braves related note

The Hawks suck. Wait, scratch that – Mike Woodson sucks. No…scratch that…the Hawks just stink in general.

A typical look on Mike Woodson's face: clueless

Look, I’m happy that we went 47-35 and got the 4th seed. But, we were terrible on the road. In other words, the Hawks looked completely lost on the road and would give up if they got down by more than, like, 4 points.

In all of Woody’s tenure in Atlanta, it’s all been about run and gun. That’s great and fine, in the regular season. But that philosophy never worked well for the Phoenix Suns’ high-scoring circus act in the playoffs, and it appears Atlanta’s inability to score in the half court is coming back to haunt them. It’s dribble-dribble-dribble-shoot…MISS, and repeat.

And why can’t Mike Woodson ever seem to make adjustments? In Game Two, Dwyane Wade scored 21 points, including Miami’s last 13. OK, I though, we’ll make some changes and slow him down in the 2nd Half and come back. But, there Wade was, continuing to take advantage of the suddenly-hapless Mo Evans, Joe Johnson, and Flip Murray. And not only that, but can Zaza Pachulia not play defense? I mean, my god, it’s the ancient Jermaine O’Neal!  I don’t think JO’s sudden resurgence is any coincidence.

It really doesn’t take that much to find a way to defend a team. We did it in Game One, so what are the Heat doing so differently? Figure it out, Woodson – IT’S YOUR JOB (maybe not for long).

Yikes. Just…yikes.

There ain’t much to say about today’s game, so I won’t go into it. Sometimes, you just have those days, and you can’t win ‘em all. Jay Bruce is an absolute monster.

My only concern is with Kenshin Kawakami. Yeah, he’s never pitched in the majors before, but gimme a break. He won the equivalent of the Cy Young Award in the Japanese League, so we all know he can pitch…or can he? He’s widely known for his control and ability to hit the strike zone, yet he’s seemingly forgotten how to do that.

And I know that the Great American Ballpark is a hitter’s park, but at least keep the ball down. Giving up two blasts to Jay Bruce and a bases-clearing double to Joey Votto will (obviously) lose you pretty much every ballgame.

Now, it doesn’t get much more fun – returning home to play the NL Central-leading St. Louis Cardinals. The Cards always bring a ton of fans wherever they go, so Turner Field should be rocking these next several days.

Bronson Arroyo needs to learn how to speak (and pitch), and other thoughts

First off, let’s get this out of the way: Bronson Arroyo’s grammar could use some work.  Sure, he’s a songwriter, and hopefully this is just a blip on the radar, but here’s a gem from him after today’s game:

“”They’re definitely a team that’s given me trouble with over the last few years,” Arroyo said.

Hey Bronson...you're stupid

Um, excuse me? I’m fairly sure I know what he meant here, but still…given you trouble with what, Bronson? Your blood pressure? Your ugly hair? I guess we’ll never know.

Anywhooo…the Braves drilled Cincinnati today. Thanks, Bronson. Yunel Escobar and Chipper jumped on him early, as Yunel hit a RBI double in the first and Chipper drove him in with a single to right field.  In the 2nd, Yunel knocked in his second run of the day on an RBI single, and Chipper again followed him up with a 3-run blast to right.  Derek Lowe’s (2-1) only blip on the day came on a 2-run home run from Alex Gonzalez in the 2nd, but other than that, his 7 innings of solid ball were plenty for the win.

Yunel Escobar’s big day is a positive sign for him – a career-high 4 RBI’s just days after returning from a side injury.

On the negative side, though, All-Star catcher Brian McCann was placed on the 15-Day Disabled List thanks to his nagging eye problems.  Left Fielder Garrett Anderson also was placed on the DL for…being old as shit. Either way, the Braves are again back above .500 at 9-8 and in Second Place in the NL East, behind the slumping Marlins.

Hey Edinson Volquez, the strike zone is there for a reason…

And it’s for you to throw a pitch within it. Nevertheless, I’ll take it. Volquez is normally very, very good, but tonight, well…he wasn’t.

In truth, though, it was a strange night in Cincinnati. Volquez, an All Star last year, managed to walk seven batters in just 5 innings, while only giving up 1 hit. Those walks killed him, though (duh.) What was the point of repeating that?

Anyhow, even as a Braves fan, it was almost painful to watch Volquéz pitch tonight, especially in the 4th inning. Somehow, this man managed to get two outs before walking the bases loaded and promptly walking pitcher Javier Vazquez and 2nd Baseman Kelly Johnson to give the Bravos two free runs.

Jeff Francouer’s solo home run in the 5th was a good sign, as well. Last year, it seemed almost impossible to be as bad as Frenchy was. It was a different level of suck-ass-ness than I’d ever seen before. I hope I never witness that level again. Back to reality…Jeff looks like a whole new man, and unlike last year, he’s managed to actually get a hit or two with runners on base. What a fucking miracle.

After that, Rafael “I like to screw around before realizing I can get people out” Soriano gave up a run in the 8th to cut Atlanta’s lead to 4-3, but Mike “I also like to fuck around” Gonzalez managed to hurl a 1-2-3 9th for the save. So, a big thank you to all that is holy for Edinson Volquez. I’m sure the Braves will be sending you a thank-you note, Edinson.

One more note…Blaine Boyer traded to Cards

In possibly the most inconsequential trade of the entire season, the Braves traded relief pitcher Blaine Boyer to the Cards for AAA Outfielder Brian Barton, who may seem some time in Atlanta this year depending on the injury situation.

Look, Blaine was a hometown kid, and he used to be half-way decent. Key word there – used to be. He’s just plain awful now, but I can feel for the guy. He does have good stuff (runs a fastball with sinking action at 96-97 and a pretty good slider), but this guy was both a head case and had no control.

How about some stats to back my demeaning claims up: In three games this year, the man pitched 1.1 innings and gave up 6 runs over that span, good for an impressive 40.50 ERA. And no, that’s not a typo – not 4.50, but 40.50. It’s a small sample size, I know, but still – Boyer was awful at the end of last year, and that trend apparently has carried over to this year.

Outfielder Brian Barton (on the left), aka "Crabman" from My Name is Earl

In return, the Braves receive outfielder Brian Barton. Not much power, but good speed and a pretty good fielder. In one series against Atlanta last year, he hit 4 for 5 with a double, 2 RBI, and 3 runs. Though he isn’t all that great, still gotta love having a guy around that looks like this.